loss miscarriage 2

Breaking the news of miscarriage to our children

February 20, 2013, 13 Comments

Out of turmoil one finds the the gracious blood of Jesus that saves, it washes us as white as snow and cleanse us of all grieve.

With existing children, the loss of a baby is more complicated. I don’t have to explain very much to our close friends and relatives, they know that when I have stomach cramps and bleed I need to see the doctor immediately.

My sons see me lying in bed past naptime and wondered what happened. I told them mummy’s tummy is painful and I need to rest. My older son told me he went into the loo, found a little blood stain on the toilet seat and had washed it off for me. I made a mental note to be more careful.

The pain didn’t stop after an hour and the spotting got heavier. I had a feeling this was not looking good. I called my gynaecologist and got the check up done the following morning. I still couldn’t believe that at week 12, I could lose the baby. Why was I feeling nauseated throughout since I was advised that baby had stopped growing at week 8?

There was no sign of heartbeat. The same thing I heard 6 years ago. This time I was strangely calm. I showed no emotions when my gynaecologist  said she was sorry. We made a decision to get the D&C (Dilation and Curettage) done immediately. I don’t need any time to think nor needed to be counseled. I went through this before.

As I lied alone in the bed waiting for surgery, tears started rolling down. My gynaecologist appeared, as warm as she always is, patted me and asked me how I was. Suddenly, I could not stop crying. She said to me “I know you want to go to church tomorrow, let’s get this done so you can go ok.” “Yes” I said. “Quicker is best”. Nowadays, I am quite used to pain coming in one full shot, sometimes with very little comprehension, much like free falling knowing only my safety net is God and nothing more.

I hated surgery. It scared the wits off me. I’ve been through two so far and this would be my third. I decided not to think and said a short prayer. “God, my life is in your hands.” My anesthetist introduced herself, and told me that she was preparing the jab.

It is hard to describe how one should feel knowing that one little jab would powerfully render a person unconscious. Despite my low threshold of pain, I felt myself not caring how much it would hurt. Surprisingly, the needle didn’t hurt much at all. Or maybe it is because I didn’t cared. In as much a helpless state as I was since hearing the news, I surrendered into unconsciousness within a few seconds. If going to heaven was that easy,  I wouldn’t mind going there right away.

Having a miscarriage is more than a physical loss, it is all the emotions and people attached to the baby and I have tons.

I pitied the baby I carried and bonded for 12 weeks. I felt sad for my children who had all became so excited along the journey with me. Still, it is a hope dashed. I wondered for the best way to break the news. I was angry at the discomfort I had to go through. I was angry at that I had came to accept this pregnancy and all the emotions attached to it, only to have to let it go!

My children were anxious about the baby since I was in the hospital for a whole day. My eldest son wondered if I knew the gender already. My younger son asked me where is the baby. I sat them down and showed them the scan of the baby at 8 weeks old. “There is the umbilical cord and this is the head. But the doctor said he is not growing since 8 weeks old and today the scan showed no heartbeat. The baby is no longer alive.” I said it slowly and then I said, “Jesus thinks it is better he take the baby to care for him or her in heaven so the baby is now in heaven with Jesus.”

My eldest son blurted out, “Mummy, I’m sure it’s a girl, God answers things we really need before we ask, so he knows we need a girl. So the baby girl is in heaven.”

“Mummy also lost a baby before God made you” I smiled, trying to loosen things up abit for them. “so there’s two babies in heaven” I said. “Mummy & daddy will try again ok? Remember? Try, try again, never give up.”

In the next few minutes, he seemed quiet as he laid on my bed. I sat up, gave both sons a big hug and told them, “Its ok, heaven is a wonderful place. You will see them the next time you go there too. Big family we will have.”

My younger son said “two in heaven, three on earth!” Yes, I never thought I would have such a big family, but that would be right. A total of 7 of us.

*We took a few days to talk and pray some more with the boys as I take the time to rest and grieve. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night with physical pain shooting through my heart.  I’m sure our God is stronger, but I just needed some time to get there.



13 Responses to “Breaking the news of miscarriage to our children”

  1. Agatha says:

    So sorry to hear that, but it’s touching to know how your three children responded. Lots of hugs to you.

  2. DinoMama says:

    So sorry to read about this. Rest well!

  3. florinda says:

    hey big hugs to u…

    I miscarry 2x to understand how and what you have been through. I believe this is harder coz the children were anticipating it. Like you i do think god has his plans for all of us and that greater things is to come after. For me kate was conceive the very next month i mc my 3rd.

    I pray for your loss.


    • Sharon says:

      Hi Florinda, thanks for your assurance & for praying. Read your blog on your lost and gain! Congrats. Yes like you , I kept my pregnancy secret till 12 weeks only to find out I lost baby at 8 weeks!!! I was so CLOSE to throwing a GRAND BALL and then, poof! Everything was gone in a smoke. Like a bad dream. Anyways, like you, I wanna stay positive with positively-charged friends!!! :)

  4. Adeline says:

    This post made me cry as I remembered the time when I had 2 miscarriages as well. *hugs* Take care Sharon.

  5. Madeline says:

    Thanks for sharing Sharon, your story is really touching. I’m sure God will take care of them in heaven and give you one more like u so desired.

  6. Mummybean says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve been there and I think one of the hardest parts was seeing others (in particular my husband) grieving. It sounds like you’ve done a wonderful job helping your boys through this. Do take care. Hugs.

  7. Jiahui says:

    Sharon, you are a huge huge blessing to many who have gone through this painful journey. Thank you for being so open and sharing the tears. Praying for God’s presence and assurance to be closer and more real each day. take care!

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